Whether you are worried about someone else or looking for support yourself, this page brings together practical guidance, self-help ideas, and the helplines and services that can help. If you would like support from us directly, you can get in touch on our Self Referral page.
If you are worried about someone
It is a difficult thing to be concerned about someone and not know what to do. If you have a niggling feeling and your instincts are raising red flags, it is important to act. Many people are unsure what to do next. This section is here to give you the confidence to trust your instincts and help someone.
First and foremost, ask “are you OK?” Then ask again. It is fine to lead with something like, “I do not mean to pry, but you do not seem yourself, you seem…” and say how they seem to you, such as withdrawn. “I am here if you would like to talk,” with open and warm body language. Check in again a couple of days later. You might say, “Sorry to be a pain, I am just checking you are OK.” This might feel forward, but what you are doing is acknowledging the person and opening up a space that was otherwise closed. You are offering comfort and encouraging them to ask themselves, am I OK? You could also invite them over, cook a meal or meet for a coffee, and gently mention you have been a little worried. Most people want to help. It is the first approach that feels daunting. Another way in is to talk about yourself first, something you have found difficult or how you have been feeling, and then ask, “how about you, what has been going on?”
You might be the person who helps them realise they do need support, and gives them the encouragement to reach out for it.
If someone confides in you, the best thing you can do is listen. What it took for them to speak is huge, and it may be a sign they need help now. Often it is enough that the person has finally spoken about their worries. That brings relief, and it opens a space for you to ask whether they have thought about reaching out for support. Either way, your reassurance matters. You are providing a safe space and letting them know that what they have just done is a good and positive thing. You might also offer your support. By being there and offering your hand, you are leading the way and saying it is OK.
Be realistic about what support you can offer, and remember to look after yourself too. You can also talk to someone about how you feel and how this is affecting you.
If someone is willing to seek support, take their lead and adjust to them. Offer the space to talk. Even if they are already speaking to a professional, having somewhere else to talk is comforting. Speaking to a professional can be draining and takes time, but it is the best way forward.
If someone is unwilling and you are still concerned, this is where you need to consider whether they are at risk and involve other people. If you believe someone is suicidal, call 999 immediately.
Here are some options to consider:
- Do you know the person’s GP? A GP has a duty of care to their patients. You can phone the surgery and explain the situation. They can advise you, and the GP can take reasonable steps to carry out an assessment and take action.
- Call the police on 101. This is a non-emergency number where you can explain things. The police can carry out a welfare check and take action.
- Call the NHS on 111. This is a non-emergency number for advice, and it can give you the confidence to know what to do.
- Take the person to A&E, or call an ambulance on 999. This service works the same way for a mental health emergency as it does for a physical one.
- Call a charity helpline, or use our I Need Urgent Help button.
If you need support right now
If you feel you need help, you may be asking yourself, what can I do? What is the first step? If I go to my GP, what if there is a wait? What can I do to fill that gap? You may also be feeling it physically.
Right now, you can focus on the here and now. What are you feeling? Do you know why you are feeling this way? There is an overlap between physical and mental symptoms, so looking after yourself matters. It is fine to see your GP and talk through your concerns, or the concerns of a loved one. Go easy on stimulants at a heightened time like this, including alcohol, caffeine and energy drinks. Think about your diet, learn a grounding technique, practise mindfulness, and have five ways to unwind at the end of the day. Please do not underestimate how much these help. It is OK, and wonderful, to grow and reach for a better self.
A grounding exercise
Reconnecting with your senses helps bring you into the here and now, and offers calm when you are overwhelmed.
- Sit in a comfortable position and rest your hands in your lap.
- Notice five things you can see. Say them out loud or in your head, pausing between each one.
- Notice four things you can feel in your body. Name them and rest your attention on each for a few breaths.
- Notice three things you can hear.
- Notice two things you can smell. Move if you need to, to catch another smell.
- Notice one thing you can taste. Notice whether your mouth is watery or dry, and how your throat feels.
- Count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and come back into the moment. Sip some water and notice how you feel.
A note on mindfulness
Mindfulness is paying more attention to the present moment, to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you. It can help adults and children cope better with sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety and anger, and it builds empathy for others. As we learn to see negative thoughts as thoughts, not facts, we stop engaging with them so much. To break the autopilot we often live in, notice the everyday and the small sensations of things. Keep it regular and find a time that works for you. Ten minutes can make a real difference. Name your thoughts and feelings as they come, for example, “This is anxiety.” Try to free yourself from reliving the past or pre-living future worries. The past is not you, and the future is unknown.
“Look for what you are grateful for and bring it right down, to the here and now, then grow from there.” Stacey
Self-care and self-compassion
Self-care and self-compassion are an essential part of everyday life. Our Dr Rebecca Adlington shares this on the B.A.S.E. plan for self-care:
- B is for body. Do something to nourish your body.
- A is for awareness. Stop and notice what you need in this moment, and make time for it.
- S is for social. Connect with people who make you feel good.
- E is for enjoyment. Do something you enjoy.
“Self-care is the things we do to look after our physical and mental wellbeing. It is very hard to make time for this without self-compassion, as being kind to ourselves is what allows us to actually make the time. An act of self-care might be to go for a run. An act of self-compassion might be recognising that, given everything else you have on today, it is OK to not go so far, to do some yoga at home, or just take the dog for a walk instead. Self-compassion is about giving ourselves permission to do what is right for us right now.” Dr Rebecca Adlington
Overall, know that how you feel is OK, and that help is available. Our hope is that you find support and encouragement here to look after your emotional and overall wellbeing.
Helplines and support services
The services below can help, many of them around the clock. Details can change, so please check the service’s website for the latest information.
Samaritans. A free listening and support service, every day of the year. Call 116 123, 24 hours a day. Email jo@samaritans.org. Website www.samaritans.org
Shout. A free crisis text line, every day of the year. You can text if you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or just need someone to talk to. Text 85258. Website www.giveusashout.org
Mind. A free listening and support line, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm, for information on mental health problems, where to get help and treatment options. Call 0300 123 3393, or text 86463. Website www.mind.org.uk
Papyrus HOPELINE247. A confidential suicide prevention service for anyone under 35 who is struggling, or for anyone worried about a young person. Call 0800 068 4141, 24 hours a day, every day. Text 88247. Email pat@papyrus-uk.org. Website www.papyrus-uk.org
Childline. Provided by the NSPCC, for anyone under 19 in the UK. Call 0800 1111, free, 24 hours. Website www.childline.org.uk
Kooth. Free, safe, anonymous online counselling, support and information for young people. Website www.kooth.com
The Mix. Free information and support for under 25s, on relationships, drugs, mental health, money and jobs. Call 0808 808 4994, 7 days a week, 4pm to 11pm. Website www.themix.org.uk
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably). Practical support for anything from anxiety to suicidal thoughts. Call 0800 58 58 58, every day, 5pm to midnight. Webchat on the website. Website www.thecalmzone.net
Victim Support. Free and confidential support for anyone affected by crime, 24 hours a day, whether or not you have reported it. Call 0808 168 9111. Website www.victimsupport.org.uk
Helpful apps. Calm Harm (tasks to help resist or manage the urge to self-harm), Clear Fear (for anxiety and fear), Headspace and Calm (guided meditation, sleep and relaxation), and The Worrinots (helping children share their worries). All are available on the App Store and Google Play.